Junk Food Nation, so in the past 24 hours there was a big story here in DC – rumblings that a group of hundreds of big rig trucks were planning on coming to the Nation’s beltway and driving round and round in protest of the current government leadership. In this demonstration slated to start this Friday, October 11, 2013, the “truckers reportedly plan to clog the Beltway by driving ‘three lanes deep’ for three days.”
Led by a dude named Earl Conlon (who, by the way, is not a truck driver – so THAT makes sense), they called for the arrest of members of Congress, and are (apparently) disgruntled with the price of gas and low wages. So, it only makes sense that when you’re feeling underpaid to drive a truck, and you feel like you’re spending too much money paying for gas, THAT YOU’D PROTEST BY DRIVING A TRUCK FOR NO REASON AND BURNING GALLONS AND GALLONS OF GAS FOR THREE DAYS.
Apparently, Earl Conlon and his followers feel like if they cause enough turmoil on the Beltway this Friday, they can affect REAL CHANGE. Forget filibustering or lobbying for the public to agree with your position, LET’S GET OUT THERE AND DRIVE SLOWLY TIL THEY APPEASE TO US.
Look, whatever viewpoint you hold on the political spectrum and however you feel about the shutdown, I think we can all agree that this is idiotic. What’s next? “I PROTEST THIS GOVERNMENT LEADERSHIP SO I AM KICKING EVERY CHILD IN THE FACE UNTIL THEY STEP DOWN. I’LL DO IT AND IT WILL BE ALL YOUR FAULT. OBAMA MUST STEP DOWN. BOEHNER MUST STEP DOWN. FREE KICKS IN FACE FOR ALL. SORRY KIDS.”
And what about all the actual people who need to go to work? You’re going to hold them ransom? And what about truck drivers who ACTUALLY have somewhere to be and need to traverse the virtual hell that is the Capital Beltway during rush hour. You’re going to make THEIR lives miserable too??? W.T.F.
Later, after the group that Conlon claimed to speak for hastily released a statement saying that Conlon was, essentially, a loose cannon who did NOT speak for them, the truck protest was (apparently) cancelled. Conlon stated, “The comments to U.S. News were designed to do one thing and one thing only: stir the feather of the mainstream media. Nothing gets the attention like the mainstream media, like some sort of disastrous threat. I knew it was going to ruffle some feathers.”
Um, can someone punch this guy in the face? Did he really just pull the asshole move of saying, “You guys are SO gullible, I knew you’d fall for it, you’re so stupid, you really thought I was gonna do it, didn’t you, neener neener boo boo, you fell for it, that’s so funnnnnaaaaay.” So either Earl Conlon is a political genius or he’s the jerk in high school that kept claiming he spit in your food when you weren’t looking and snickering when you went in for a bite.
My suggestion: as much as we hate the idiocy that is occurring in Congress, and no matter if you’re in favor or against the ACA…let’s leave the posturing to the morons on the Hill, OK? I know, they’re idiots too. But I’d prefer that to someone who thinks a TRAFFIC JAM MEANS LIBERTY FOR ALL.
Today’s junk food: Brach’s Candy Corn & Peanuts!
Brach’s Candy Corn & Peanuts: The Money Shot – NOT Corn Nuts, though
Look, I’m not going to waste any time with fluffy comments. This looked weird. REALLY weird. I saw these waaay back when I first bought Starburst Candy Corn, and I remember thinking, “Brach’s Candy Corn & Peanuts??? Who thought THIS was a good idea?? Looks like ‘Nuts n Gum‘ from the Simpsons!” Gross…
Brach’s Candy Corn & Peanuts: But the Pilgrims never ate Candy Corn…
But then came all the Brach’s Candy Corn & Peanuts apologists. They exclaimed, “TRY IT! TRY IT! IT’S SO GOOD YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW.” Oh, I don’t, don’t I? I AM THE GOD DAMN JUNK FOOD GUY. If I say it looks weird, IT LOOKS WEIRD! YOU’RE THE WEIRDOS FOR THINKING THIS DOESN’T LOOK WEIRD.
Brach’s Candy Corn & Peanuts: Not the most healthy
Brach’s Candy Corn & Peanuts: Contains peanuts? You don’t say…
But then, someone smartly explained that Brach’s Candy Corn & Peanuts, when eaten in mouthful form, basically tastes like a PayDay. Like a PayDay Candy Bar. And I took a second to pause…
BECAUSE I LOVE PAYDAYS.
I mean, a caramel/nougat-ey center that’s wrapped with peanuts??? That’s simple AND delicious!
Brach’s Candy Corn & Peanuts: Yep – that’s candy corn and peanuts alright…
Well, so if Junk Food Nation was telling that Brach’s Candy Corn & Peanuts actually TASTED GOOD, well, then, I was going to have to try it. I had enough people asking me to review it, so I opened up the bag, dumped a good mix into my cupped palm, tipped my head back, threw the bits in, and chewed…
Brach’s Candy Corn & Peanuts: The candy corns had salt on them!
…and I’ll be damned if Brach’s Candy Corn & Peanuts didn’t taste like an effing PAYDAY. It did, indeed! The peanuts were standard, but when chewed along with the multiple soft waxy candy corns, complete with their soft sugary caramel-y vanilla-y flavor, the resultant concoction in my mouth WAS A PAYDAY CLONE.
The combo basically tasted like a sweet peanut buttery confection – the sugar from the candy corn helped accent the salty of the peanut and everything ended up tasting like a crunchy peanut butter that had a LOOOOOTTTTT of sugar in it. The texture of the candy corn, surprisingly, was what helped sell the flavor as well! PayDays are normally very chewy, and the consistency of the candy corn worked perfectly.
Normally, I am NOT a huge candy corn fan, but this combination may have leapfrogged this snack into my top 3 Halloween snacks of ALL TIME. Seriously. Nice work, Brachs.
So, for all of you out there who wondered whether you should try this, I’d say YES. Especially if you like PayDay candy bars. Or even if you just like peanuts. And sugar. And happiness.
PURCHASED AT: Walgreens
COST: $1.25 on sale!
Thoughts? Please comment below or hit me up on Twitter @junkfoodguy or LIKE my Facebook Page and message me there. Let’s hang out.
Sincerely,
Junk Food Guy
